Helen R

Express yourself.

What does that phrase bring to mind for you right now?

Dancing, singing, playing an instrument, painting, writing or something similar?

Are those creative channels the ways in which we express ourselves?

Well, yes.

And no.

Dance is the hidden language of the soul.

Dancer and choreographer Martha Graham said that. I tend to agree. I’m tentatively dipping my toe into the water when it comes to dance, and I’m loving the freedom I’m slowly discovering to express my unique range of emotions through the movement of my whole body.

That’s pretty new to me. The opposite of expression is repression and I know all about that. I was brought up not to show emotion, to never reveal what I was feeling. To not trust my emotions, to view them as dangerous even and to avoid them as much as possible.

That way of being doesn’t leave you in a great place at 50, believe me. Hence the dance.

What I’m learning is that our bodies express emotion whether we like it or not.

When we are happy, we smile involuntarily.

When we are sad, we cry involuntarily.

When we are embarrassed, we blush involuntarily.

When we are angry, we clench our fists involuntarily.

We can try to hide it, but our body speaks its own language. That’s what the science of body language is all about.

Our bodies are integral to our expression, the expression of our soul, emotions, heart, mind, spirit, personality, whatever you want to call it.

Our bodies are what others see, hear, touch, smell, taste of us.

Everything we do, say, buy, eat, wear is an outward expression of who we are on the inside.

Just as each one of us is spectacularly different, the contents of our homes and handbags and wardrobes and fridges are completely different.

Even if we wear what we wear to blend in with everyone else, that is an expression in itself of who we are.

Even if we just eat what everyone else is eating and do what everyone else is doing, that is an expression in itself of who we are.

Connecting with my body has been quite a journey for me. Listening to my body.

Dressing how I want, exercising as my body needs, eating to nurture my body: I have some learning to do.

Our bodies have so much to teach us if we would only listen. I have a book to read on the train tomorrow, a New York Times bestseller called ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It’s all about trauma, how we store trauma in the body without even knowing it. I have a feeling this is really going to help me understand the idiosyncrasies of my own body a whole lot more. And there’s a whole chapter on yoga. Of course. Because yoga links mind and body in a therapeutic way that is entirely relevant here.

My natural reaction is to clamp down on any emotion that threatens to rise to the surface. I’m learning to ask myself the question ‘How does my body want to express what I’m feeling right now?’ And then (within the boundaries of what is safe, of course) I do it.

Life is definitely too short for repression.

Go on, express yourself.

Helen R

I’m developing a love for biographies. Maybe it’s because I’ve just written one.

My man found me this one at Barter Books last weekend, which was very touching in itself. It wasn’t a book he would ever normally take off the shelf. That he picked this up at all and searched the index for Martha Graham meant that he’d been taking notice. That this book about Madonna had nine references to Martha Graham meant that I’d been right to include a page about their touching relationship in my book ‘Martha & Me’.

Anyway, Madonna and me go back a long way. I remember the first time I saw that ‘Like a Prayer’ video. It resonated with me on so many levels. It was released in 1989, the year I got married. I loved the imagery – the roses, the candles, the knife, the blood, the cross. I loved the melody and the sense of story in the video, the wrestling to make sense of sexuality and sensuality, injustice and redemption.

Back to the biography. It’s a good one: MADONNA Like an Icon by Lucy O’Brien. It spans the whole of Madonna’s remarkable career and her incredible ability to reinvent herself. And what I love about that is that she never seems to re-invent herself just to stay popular and relevant, just to stay famous. Her musical journey is representative of her journey through life – there’s rebellion and searching and anger and reaction and pain and confusion and joy….as she changes, her musical landscape changes with her. As she matures, her voice matures. She moves with the times but more than that, she moves with her own times. It’s all out there for everyone to see – often more than most of us would ever dare to reveal. Many would say she went too far, but you have to admire her courage and honesty.

We all change. If we all looked the same and thought the same and behaved the same as we did a decade ago, that would be sad. We wouldn’t have developed. We wouldn’t have learnt anything at all. I see new versions of myself emerging all the time. Some I like more than others. They are all me: me in different seasons of life.

It’s not about re-inventing ourselves to please others or impress or maintain status or popularity. It’s about expressing ourselves through our look and our lifestyle choices and our relationships and our interests. Being ourselves: who we are today.

Throughout Madonna’s life, people came and went. Relationships came and went; fans came and went; musicians and singers and dancers came and went. Each season of life was peopled by a different crowd, with one or two very special people staying by her side the whole time. That’s life.

The only person who was actually with her from the very beginning was herself. She had to learn to understand herself and express herself and live with herself and care for herself. She was the only one who could make sense of her spirituality and sexuality, the only one who could ever begin to work out what she really needed to give and to receive.

Re-invention is not contrived. It is necessary for survival. There’s no going back to how things were before.

Madonna’s creativity, determination and courage astound me.

‘MADONNA: Like an Icon’ has inspired me to be myself, whatever that looks like.

Re-invent yourself.

Helen R

It’s been a while. I know that.

Thanks for sticking with us.

I’ve been distracted by another project, but now that’s over, I’m back.

And I’m wondering where to start, so I’m looking back over the last year to look forward to the next.

So here are the top fifteen Pretty Vintage Life posts:-

  1. OUR INSPIRING ORDINARY WOMAN OF THE MONTH SUE
  2. OUR INSPIRING ORDINARY WOMAN OF THE MONTH MAVEEN
  3. OUR INSPIRING ORDINARY WOMAN OF THE MONTH MARY
  4. MY LURCHER DRESS
  5. IT’S SHOWTIME
  6. OUR INSPIRING ORDINARY WOMAN OF THE MONTH BECKY
  7. OUR INSPIRING ORDINARY WOMAN OF THE MONTH MALLORY
  8. IT MAKES YOU WANT TO JOIN A CHOIR
  9. A WOMAN AND HER DOG
  10. OUR INSPIRING ORDINARY WOMAN OF THE MONTH SUSANNAH
  11. OUR INSPIRING ORDINARY WOMAN OF THE MONTH JUDE
  12. CRAVING CAULIFLOWER
  13. SUFFOCATING TRUTH
  14. UPCYCLING HEAVEN
  15. TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT HOLIDAYS AND THEN TEN THINGS I LOVE

So what does that tell us? There are some pretty surprising ones in there, if I’m honest.

Well, it tells us that we love real life stories. We love to read about ordinary women doing extraordinary things. These true stories inspire, encourage and challenge us. It doesn’t matter whether we know the person or not, although reading about someone you know is always fascinating. These women have taken the difficult situations in their lives and turned them into opportunities for something new. We want to believe that as ordinary women, we are capable of living extraordinary lives. These fabulous, courageous women show us that we can.

Let’s find and interview and feature some more of these inspiring women. If you have a woman like this in your life, let me know. I’d love to find out more about her story.

And then there’s dogs. We love our dogs. That never changes. Three years on and I still adore my two lurchers. That dress still makes me smile. Maybe we should run a feature on your beloved pet…I’m sure you’d love to tell us about some of the quirky things your dog gets up to and why your breed of dog is the best of all. I’ll be in touch!

Of course, anything we post about singing is always popular. Helen H brings singing into the Pretty Vintage Life world and her Inspirationers love to sing and love to read about the joy of singing. So Inspirationers, keep the inspiration coming. Get in touch with an idea and write something for us. How about choosing a particular song, a favourite performance and telling us all about it?

I was just going to present the top ten to you today, but I couldn’t miss out on the joy of sharing these seemingly random results with you.

Craving cauliflower – what’s that all about? Who wants to read about cauliflower? Well, I know Helen H would disagree with me, but I never knew cauliflower had such a following. We do need to do more recipes though. Anyone got any great recipes that they want to share?

I’m glad that dance made it in to the top fifteen. If singing is Helen H’s things, then dance is mine. I’ll happily keep the reviews coming. Off to see Matthew Bourne’s ‘Red Shoes’ soon, so watch this space!

And then there’s upcycling. It seems a lot of you love a project. I need to get my daughter-in-law to share some more of her work with us. Helen H is good at this stuff too. While I am not. But we’re all always looking for inspiration for our homes. I need some help here!

And finally, holidays. I think the popularity of this one is less about holidays and more about our fascination with lists. You’ve got to love a bit of flagrant click bait! Writing a list is as fun as reading one, so prepare yourself for many, many more.

This has been fun. Good to reacquaint myself with some of our great articles.

So thanks for journeying with us over the past year and come on girls, let’s bring it on!